praying in color

My spiritual director let me borrow her Praying in Color book. It's about combining art and prayer as a way to focus. Simple concept. You start with drawing a shape, add someone's name, and then embellish the shape as you pray for your friend. So far I'm liking this as a way to change things up and it definitely increases my attention span. Now I have a good reason to buy colored pencils. Let me know if anyone is interested in getting together to try it collectively.

Ash Wednesday

Happy Ash Wednesday dear smudgy head Anglicans. I'm posting as a way to help me commit to my fast. This year I'm giving up lyrics for Lent. Feel free to send along names of favorite composers because I'm pursuing classical music as a route to finding more calm and more time for listening.

I saw my spiritual director this week. She read a prayer with a line that went something like "help me in my certaintly to not obsure possibility." Lately I feel damned in the world of two options. I can make a choice, but either thing I choose has a measure of misery. Tara says God is the author of the 3rd way. That's the most encouraging thing I've contemplated in a long time.

Decorating Style

This is a fun quiz to find your decorating style. No surprises. I'm arts & crafts and asian.
http://www.sproost.com/

Cheese

The Vitamin Kimono said she would help me out by snapping a few quality photos of me. I know that I should own a decent shot besides the scared monkey I use on facebook and here. I just hate having my picture taken. I don't know if I'm supposed to want a picture that looks like me (reveal) or one that only looks vaguely reminiscent (conceal). Could it just be blurry, dark or off-center enough to disguise any asymmetry, moles, lines around the eyes, or wariness of the project? I wish I could swap out my face like a mask on one of my friends who lives the for spotlight, loves the camera, and was born to invite the world in to admire. Any takers?

I forgot to say

I forgot to say that in the midst of Valentine disaster, there are heroes among us. Super Clark bought me dinner on V-day. Ott (who needs a nickname when you have such a cool real name?) said he loved me. White Knight said he liked me hair. Greg the Remorseful did drop off roses- -late but gorgeous. A kind teacher took up the slack for my office helper and fetched a student for me. I'm having coffee with my favorite gay man on Saturday. God is answering prayers from many months ago to bring good men into my life.

After writing the post on planning as a love language I kept hearing God say, "I know the plans I have for you, I know the Plans I have for you. I know the plans I have for you." That means a lot more when you think of it as secret surprises instead of blueprints.

new version of me

Last night having been thrice cancelled upon this weekend, I sought the more reliable companionship of an entire bottle of Asti. Inexperienced in this form of consumption, I expected to discover a giddy, show-tune singing version of myself. I just ended up groggy, uncoordinated, and still having a fairly lucid phone conversation with City. On the up side, after mumbling a quick prayer of, "God, please tell Satan to quit bugging me" I fell into the wonderful, corpse-like sleep of a college frat boy.

6th love language

There are supposed to be 5 love languages- words, physical affection, time, acts of services, and gifts. But I'm thinking there's a 6th language that matters as much or more than those. The gift of planning. Dont' tell me this just my J speaking.

I had this friend in high school Lindsey who made the most exquisite things- a cross-stitched bookmark, a book made of intricate cut-outs, gummy bears paired into twos and then seran-wrapped with bows. In a house fire I would grab her book before my pearl necklace. When I visit City she has always thought ahead to activities that I will love. My dad sends me a yearly Valentines box of candy that will arrive predictably several days before the holiday. I love looking a the big envelope that week more than I like the candy.

Today I'll drop off the gifts I've gathered for Greg the last few weeks on his porch. I'll scratch off the one year anniversary I was taking him out to celebrate from my calendar. He won't have remembered. (I had a plan for March 7th worked out 2 weeks ago). I'll end things with the non-planner who is spending Valentines day helping his ex.

Amanda once told my friend Tea that planning is kingly. To look out years ahead and set a course is to make your place among the great. I love that. Happy Valentines Day friends!

mini posts

I've been too busy chasing sunlight to write. Or I've been wanting to avoid coming clean. Here are my mini-posts:

Remember the blog about the vision of knight on horse? I met with said knight. He wants to get people (of the male persuasion) together to pray for me. I'm humbled and hopeful and nervous. Being the center of attention is not my thing.

I take the gift of carnations and daisies to be a sure sign of loss of love. Roses say love. Carnations say I have bad taste and don't try very hard. Am I a snob or very tuned in?

I keep getting tagged about writing 25 random things about me. My random habits are no big secret, and I'm pretty sure other people are more aware of them than I am. The only one I keep thinking about is that I read literary mysteries and always think I could be that main character. They are always single women (or men) who like academia, are good at keeping a low profile, individualistic loners with a lot of curiousity. Intimacy issues. Simple wardrobe. I just need a PhD.

demotivated

I've never been much a fan of the word "demotivated." I thought unmotivated was a better choice until this week. Then my boss told me that keeping my job is not a sure thing for next year. Unmotivated= I don't care that much because it would take effort. I would rather sit here and watch bad TV. Even if it's Dr. Phil. Demotivated= something you said just makes me care a lot less than I did 15 minutes ago. My type A personality quickly exists and the B team rises from the bench. Go team! Or don't. Whatever you feel like.