fly below the radar

I woke up today with my stomach feeling weird and lingering annoyance at Greg last night. 1st thought- do I have swine flu? 2nd thought- why does the man who forgets to buy me anything for Christmas or Valentine's day think it's a good idea to mention needing to go out this week and get his ex-wife a gift for mother's day? Ugh...

I have been reprimanded by a parent for interrupting after 10 minutes of tirade to the say issue she was mad about had been resolved. Several others are mad about schedule change policy.

I don't officially believe in astrology, but I'm just going warn my fellow Virgos out there-- fly below the radar today.

Summer Preparations

I've been taking a vacation from blogging because I've been too busy getting ready for summer. Being from Chicago, it takes a little effort to get out of hibernation mode. Things I've started:

1. I bought patio furniture. More exciting than it actually sounds. I went to KMart last night and my cashier told me she'd have to run to the back to get the box since the security man was just stabbed. I guess some guy tried to shoplift, got caught, and then punched and stabbed the man who caught him. The great thing about Colorado Springs is that the same number of cops show up for a stabbing (2 cars) as show up for a routine traffic stop. Greg's first reaction-- "I really need to buy you a gun."

2. I decided to do the Boulder Bolder. My mind is willing but my flesh is weak and wants to stop and smell and tulips everywhere we go jogging. Must find more motivation.

3. I have a yard I must now maintain and have been playing Weed or Flower? all week. I can recognize dandelions and clover as invaders, but otherwise could be watering and nuturing whole beds full of lovely weeds because I'm so excited to see green springing up.

Asking God to behave

First thing- I got a job for next year and will be a college counselor at a school that's a huge departure from the piece of suburbia I'm camping out in now. I'm relieved and happy!

Thoughts today--This year I've had 2 opportunities to study the Old Testament. I'm doing a BSF study on the Life of Moses with conservative ladies, and I'm reading I Samuel with a church small group. The BSF project makes you a true student of the OT. We've followed the Israelites from captivity to freedom to thirst to fire watching to being sent into battles they couldn't have felt in any way prepared to fight. We've studied intricate law and rules on sacrifice. And when there are questions we don't understand, the ladies smile and nod and say, "you just have to trust God has something good up his sleeve."

Then the small group. It's been God on trial every week. Who is this crazy, uncivilized God? He could not possibly appear through mediums, or raze cities with innocent children, or make people fall dead for one-time sins. There is tremendous disapproval over God acting savagely and out-of-control.

This puts me in touch with 3 things that have been on my mind:
1. I'm not comfortable with the wildness of God. I want rewards when I'm good. I expect to be punished swiftly when I'm bad. I want answered prayers, healing, and defeat of death for the good side.
2. I'm longing for the wildness of God. To meet men who are fierce, masculine like him. Who are who they are regardless of my fickle, changing ways. In charge. A world full of unpredictable possibilities and adventure.
3. We're bad at studying the Bible. I would like to just read the fun parts, but it messes up the whole story when you take pieces out of context. Tea and I discuss this lately. We just want to read the stories that resolve without reading the difficult parts building up to the climax. I need to be a better student.

shoveling

Today I wore my favorite comfort outfit to work-- black t-shirt and overalls. I ran into a friend who asked if I was heading to the ranch today. Nope. Just at work shoveling shit. Glad he understands me.

Reading the Pioneer Woman makes me feel like there are stories to be told surrounding meals. This past weekend I had my family in for Easter. I think I had the makings of new traditions. For Good Friday I made cheese fondue, Thai chicken skewers, salad, and chocolate covered strawberries. Makes me think about having a family from Chicago and living spread over several states. We're not particularly ethnic. We've all been to other countries and eat liberally from other traditions. Good reason to have Thai and Swiss together. A lot of friends say My Big Fat Greek Wedding reminds them of their families. It reminds me of my family too, and we're the Millers.

Easter was church set-up team friends, breakfast burritos, and chocolate crepes. French and Mexican. Rugged and sophisticated. My church is a bit artistic and crazy for my family, but I thought they were among the prettiest people there with their nice suits and city affectations. How did I end up among this tidy, successful bunch? How did I end wearing overalls to work today?

Family

My family packed into the car and headed up the road to Denver to fly far away. This time I was ready to pack myself with them. Maybe it was because today was just like Chicago weather anyway. Maybe because my dad and brother fixed my broken house. Maybe because my mom helped cook. Or I had company all weekend. I lasted 30 minutes in solitude before jumping in the car in search of human contact. I love Colorado and my mom's religiousity drives me crazy, but if my family ever centralizes, I'll join them.

Monday

I had just a few appointments today, so thought it would be leisurely day of checking email and making few personal calls. But Monday struck with a vengeance. I had a mom in tears about her daughter running away (who claims mom kicked her out and only wants to steal her baby), call from a parent whose daughter was admitted to a psych ward, a student whose dad beat him up last night, and a parent requesting a 504 plan to make college easier. I managed to get it all handled today. No sweat.

Then left work early to visit the student at the psych place. I drove out of my way, parked, checked into 3 buildings to get a visitor badge. Then I got told I wasn't on the visitor list (parent said he would add me) and it wasn't visiting hours (I arrived specifically at the hour the parent told me to come since he wasn't planning to visit his daughter at all this week). I got sent away.

Parents are my least favorite demographic today. My favorite demographic is big Pacific Islander counseling mentor. The guy I interned for in Monument came to my rescue today with good job leads! Hope your weeks are off to an entirely promising start.

Reinventing myself

The job search process always brings forth the opportunity to reinvent yourself. I've sought out some feedback from friends, and this is what I have so far:
1. Become a therapist- I believe this requires a client list-yikes! 2. Go work at an international school- interesting- would require renting out my house 3. Join the army and be counselor for them (I admit this submission is mine for if all else fails- would they actually take me?

Let me know if you have any other creative ideas. I believe it's a good omen when I go for coffee in the morning and Sumatra is available, so today should be a good one.