Searching for inspiration in Lawton takes a little effort. There are no trees or water, so one has to get accustomed to finding the beauty of the long, flat plains. I'm mostly finding this in the pretty orange sunsets and the nice, flat running surfaces. Then there's the human element. I've been through the most ridiculous, humiliating set of circumstances with a man who came to visit me, had a panic attack, immediately fled 9 hours in the opposite direction, and stopped speaking because he is very busy wallowing in self-pity. My maturity and kindness to him in this situation meant nothing to his selfish ass.
My peers and classmates are almost all 22 year old males who just graduated from West Point and can chalk up their sum total of life experiences to West Point and how awesome the prom was. Few have worked or travelled. They tend to do everything in groups of twos and threes and hang out almost exclusively at 2 bars and the swimming pool. Too easy not to cross paths on weekends.
My closest companion here is an atheist, and it is extremely comforting to be near someone with zero expectations of me to say nice things. Another friend gave me a big lecture this week about being less nice as a student leader who the guys were taking advantage of. I spent yesterday practicing being a bitch, and while it's effective it doesn't sit well with me.
I realize I can't tie any of this together, but I did find something pretty today in an unexpected place. Check out http://www.aartipaarti.com/2011/07/27/singing-through-the-pain/
It's a lovely picture of who I am not but will maybe become in the very distant future.
