how white I am

Today was one where I had to confess to missing everything large and American. I tried to drive to meet someone and got lost on the nameless streets. There is no GPS here. No street signs except the major few roads. I had to back out of an alley going downhill with only about 4 inches of clearance on each side. Tonight I got stuck in a parking lot, having to wait for other people to move who were blocking me in because there is so little available parking. I wanted my food to taste like ketchup, bbq sauce, and salsa, not like soy sauce. I wanted to drink a glass of wine and still be allowed to drive.

This week was fights with my boss, not being one of the guys, the guys who were attracted to me falling off the radar, and doubting my decision about a roommate. As soon as I iron all of those things out, I will again celebrate living on the sea, the hot coffee I can get from vending machines, the polite people, and the great noodles. Maybe next weekend.

On not fitting in with boys

The makeup of the population I work with can be roughly divided into 4 categories-- the little bros, the big bros, the beta fish and the family men. Little bros spend all their time drinking and picking up Japanese women. This is like shooting fish in a barrel since the women love officers. When we all go out, the women sit silently behind their date for the evening. Then they go home and have sex. Awkward for me. A good time for them. The big bros have been up to the same antics for long enough it's grown tiresome, and they have actual hobbies. They will talk about more than picking up women. They miss American women. Good to hang out with, but they're still hard-drinking bros. The beta fish don't go out. They stay home and have relationships with their gaming systems. They dream about picking up Japanese women but are afraid to venture out since their social awkwardness is ridiculed by the bros.

Meanwhile, I am hard at work maintaining my own awkwardness. Little bros don't hang with me because I'm too old and have nothing to add to their conquest conversations. Big bros flirt with me but shouldn't get involved with me because we work too closely together. Maybe I should accept that I'm a beta fish hanging out with bros and start learning how to game.