Dancing and Fighting

Happiness Project month #1 is complete. I trained for a triathlon and enjoyed it. I did feel satisfaction marking daily progress on a calendar and pushing myself to swim and run farther, and as most of these experiments show, I am more capable than the level to which I usually push myself.

Now on to the next project. This week I heard a speaker talking about having a bucket list. I don't have one of these. Mainly because I do what I want in the season. My preferences and goals change when the wind blows, and I tend to follow those impulses where they lead me. I have jumped out a plane, worked at a ranch, learned to white water kayak, and gotten my nose pierced. I was surprised when I did try to write a list at what my subconscious pushed me towards-- learn how to fight, learn how to dance. In that order.

I have skill at neither since they both require coordination. And they seem to go together in complementary opposition. Two kinds of embrace. Two physical exersions. Both paralleling human struggles and relation. I looked up ballroom dance lessons today. I have a connection in the jiu jitsu scene. I'm mentally preparing to be humbled.

Dreamy to Me

The Happiness Project talks about the importance of dreaming. I've given some thought to what I dream about without filters for practicality. And I tend to run 2 scenarios. 1. Marry someone amazing and have a wonder child. 2. Become a spy. It's kind of a dilemma for me. Now I'm asking myself if I want to attach to someone amazing or just actually be amazing on my own. On the first count, I've made the field harder for myself. I've dated 3 special forces captains. They are now the standard for manliness. I was with a friend from OCS the other week. Being only a Reservist in Intel, he seemed a little wimpy.

The second point gets more practical. In the near future I will have to decide to stick around here or apply to a program where my acceptance would guarantee deployment. Needless to say, I would not be a spy. Nor would I suddenly look like Jennifer Gardner. (sadly) I have to decide if it's more awesome to stay here as an air defender or put myself through the awfulness of more training and no assurance of being selected to try for deployment.

Odd that the option to stay very safe seems more mentally and emotionally precarious, while work harder, carry heavy stuff, and be humbled by challenge upon challenge is exciting in a way that makes me think I have training amnesia and have forgotten the suckiness of OCS. I'm hoping for a revelation that looks like a scene from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.