commune

We were talking last night about communes and what the ideal one would contain. I always pictured mine with a lot of baking bread, reading, music, and the occasional Friday night square dance. Tea's setting was in an urban area. It was probably back in college that this life seemed most ideal-- to escape to the country and not strike out alone. There would just be tremendous enjoyment of nature and community. Now this life sounds more like a snow day-- a good break but not enough variety to really be living. I need to see people who dress differently, are engaged in various odd pursuits, and challenge me to think about new topics.

J-Love was not aptly named as we are back in the friendship car (City- you will understand this). Fortunately, romantic friendships have always been my strength.

lent foreward

Tonight I was talking to friends about lent and what they planned to give up. I feel like I have spent the past few years paring down. I gave up pleasure shopping for the entirety of last year. I got rid of excess when I moved in August and have lived with bare walls in preparation for the next relocation. I've given good wishes to several friends who have moved away and have worked to shake off old grudges. I give up a lot of sleep to get to my job and jewelry and makeup to be simple. I don't feel anything extra is dragging me down. Instead, I feel an emptiness that needs to be filled. I need to embrace something. What can I embrace that will feel like spiritual abundance?

Air Band

Tonight's adventure in entering the world of teenagers took me to the airband competition. This event truly indulges the desires any man would have to dress up like a woman or wear really tight pants. There was some Journey, a little Spice Girls. It mostly felt like gazing in on a sleepover. Good times.

Minor Matters Man

Lately I feel the need to summon a super hero for single women. My friend's boss is giving her a terrible time at work and needs to be set straight. (I imagine by someone picking him up by the necktie). Other times there are cars to be repaired by evil mechanics, decisions about appliances, and heavy things to be lifted. I wish we could call on Minor Matters Man.

While the other super heroes are saving the world from nuclear war and vast floods, Minor Matters Man would have time for day-to-day rescues. He would probably wear glasses and a sweater vest, be on the short side, and play golf on his off-days. Tea insists that a hero needs a name conveying greater threat to danger. Personally, I think understatement is a way to keep him under wraps and handy around this city.

Please let me know if you spot him. (He doesn't fly).

Post #125

This is my hundred and twenty-fifth post. I'll have to do something big to celebrate 150.

I had the day off and told myself I would venture out as soon as it stopped snowing. It never did. So I spent the day in the arms of my favorite chair and a great tragic mystery--The Thirteen Tale. I think it's the new Time Traveler's Wife. I needed the departure from reality.

Being in the love funk I'm in, I'm learning about the secret love lives of my siblings. Lillith is checking in on me. We had never shared dating stories until this year, and she has been totally sympathetic. She, at one point, moved to Germany for a man who she later broke up with. There she was all alone as a foreigner until she met Milhouse online. Kenny Bunkport is also recovering from a breakup-- catholic vs. protestant issues. He was sure she was the one. It's a season of truce in years of sibling rivalry.

a little sketchy

If you don't know this about me, I happen to be a little bit sketchy. This aspect of my nature was revealed tonight. I decided to take myself off of the match market. Wanting to get back at someone is a questionable motive for posting as an entirely emotionally available commodity. I felt noble about doing that-- for almost a whole hour.

When the clock struck nine (I don't actually have clocks that strike, but what do say about the hour changing on a cell phone?), I emailed an ex-boyfriend who had sent me a Merry Christmas message. Hopefully he won't notice that it took me several weeks to get back to him.

the real

I was telling a co-worker how much I liked the movie Lars and the Real Girl. She, being fascinated by novelty, had found a documentary about actual men who create lives around doll women. If you're longing to see something truly disturbing and bizarre (who isn't on a Thursday night?), check out:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3710987618964917848

It's funny how men can seek after plastic for relationships, but there's no mention of women ever buying fake doll men. I think we need voice more than flesh.

girlfriend 911

In a perfect world I would never make a decision without consulting my Life Council. After being called at 4:45 this morning about a snow day, I went back to sleep and had a terrible dream about J-Love looking for girlfriends on the east coast. I woke up and began my day with a spy mission. Match handily verified that J-Love was online with another girl at the very moment I was checking.

I was flipping out. Clearly this was an emergency, and I needed to find an appropriate emergency responder. Enter Metro. She kindly listened, calmed me down, and helped me gain a more objective perspective. J and I had lunch. He’s emailing 3 other women but not dating them. We’ll only see each other once a week now unless he gets a job here and quits match.

I am officially back on the market!

lecture 1

I heard Greg Mortenson, author of Three Cups of Tea speak tonight. It was neat to see the beautiful side of Afganistan and hear from someone who doesn't give up when what he's building (schools) keeps getting destroyed. He talked about how educating women promotes peace because women who have been to school are much less likely to send their sons on jihad. It was hopeful.

I hope you are all finding your moments of hope this week.

fragile

Today love seems like a very fragile thing. Tonight Roommate and Me Gusto told me they are temporarily un-engaged (but not disengaged). Earlier, I was in the frozen food aisle feeling chilled by the fact that J-Love is going to a career fair in D.C. next weekend. I'm trying to engage my emotional breaks. These relationships have broken down on me too many times to be trusted.

fitting in

What would it take for someone to fit in well and be accepted by your family? I had this conversation with J-Love.

Mine: Don't swear or talk about drinking. Play golf. Go to church. Try to brush up on the Economist. Watch sports, but don't yell things at the TV. Be clean cut.

His: Drink and play cards. Be outdoorsy.
It cannot possibly be this simple.

Primaries

Yesterday I was talking with Life Coach and a geography teacher. Life Coach says he overheard 2 sophomores discussing politics. One had been watching the primaries and was getting all fired up. He was so upset that he declared if McCain won, he was moving to Hawaii.

Yep, sounds like one of my students.

Decoder page

Okay, here is the key to unlocking new aspects of your psyche as revealed in last night’s questions. My answers in parenthesis.

Favorite animal= how others see you (furry, friendly, smart)
2nd favorite animal= how you want to be seen (playful, skillful, quick)
color= how you feel about sex (bright, sunny, warm)
beach= how you feel about life (breezy, multi-colored, solitary)
10’ x 10’ room= how you feel about death (curious, wonder, open)

Apparently I feel fantastic about death and am unaware of my furry nature. Any new insights?

the new quiz

Get out a pen and paper. Much like the bear test I’ve been giving people, Roommate had a little quiz for me tonight.
- List 3 adjectives to describe your favorite animal
- List 3 adjectives to describe your 2nd favorite animal
- List 3 adjectives to describe your favorite color
- List 3 adjectives to describe your ideal beach scene
- List 3 adjectives to describe what you feel alone in a 10 foot by 10 foot room
I’ll supply the answers to what these symbolize for you next blog.

Now that Roommate is engaged, the search for new roommate begins. My favorite animal should be the turtle.

catholicism

I'm learning a lot these days about catholicism, and it's making me grateful for the history of protestantism. In a lot of conversations I've had about the emergent church movement, I've been skeptical of everyone drawing their own conclusions. Now I'm seeing where this falls into the tradition of having to know, and discover, and read everything first hand. That idea is getting exciting to me again.

expectations

Last night for J-Love's birthday I took him to the Golden Bee and bought him 2 glasses of expensive scotch. Today he was asking what I wanted to do tomorrow. Sounds like he wants to just "hang out." I came home to ask Me Gusto how I address still wanting him to take me on a nice date. His advice: "Say, 'So when you are going to take me on a nice date?'" Gusto claims men are hard to offend. We'll see about that one...

thanks friends

I'm so thankful for the girlfriends who stand by me.

The big news of the day is that roommate got engaged over Christmas. This is not shocking. I've never heard anyone sound less excited though. He proposed walking out of a movie theater. Her friends want him to propose again and do a better job. His thinking on this was that if he began a big production of an evening, she wouldn't be truly surprised. Roommate's uncertainty bodes well for my residency here but not for her happiness. How sure is someone supposed to be?

bring the fun back

Tonight J-Love was full of questions. What kind of wedding would I want to have? Would I be willing to move now or in the future? I got to feeling cagey. And then accusatory with, “you’re the one who’s leaving.”

This is not fun. I want the fun back.

year of the rat

'07 was a year of huge uncertainty for me. Where would I work, where would I live, who would I hang out with when old friends left? I'm grateful for the resolution those questions have come to. While I feel I'm entering 2008 on more solid ground with work, the rest of life is still uncertain. I'm sure I'll once again at least search for housing.

My favorite Thai restaurant kindly gifted me with a New Year's Chinese zodiac calendar. This is the year of the rat. That makes me suspicious. I have a feeling that in the year of the rat, all bets are off. Expect surprises ahead!