Thicker skin

Saturdays are generally something to look forward to here. We get time to catch up on homework, a little more time to be on electronics, and no long lectures. But there is one sad piece of Saturdays which is the Peer Review. Every week we have to rate everyone in our squad and read what each person considers our greatest strength and weakness to be. This counts towards our points. We're told not to take it personally, to approach it with thick skin. I have no such thick skin. Last week I wasn't confident enough. This week I don't try hard enough at PT & suck at the obstacle course. I can't seem to remember any of the strengths through I recall there were words written on that side of the page. I need to get stoic about things, but I always want to withdraw and make new friends after reading my Peers. There are no hugs at OCS. I am achieving some literal thick skin with the calluses on my hands from attempting pull-ups that are the admission ticket into every meal.

Two unofficial peer reviews this week: "you would make a great pothead." "Your calluses look like a bear's hand."

I started a small group for females last night that we're unofficially categorizing as tears, fears, and first names. It's where we bring our secret lives that aren't meant for sharing with the combat males. To be confident, we don't admit to doubts about making it here. To be strong, we don't shed tears when we feel like we're failing, misunderstood, or insulted. Our first names are irrelevant and only appear in letters from home. But for one hour a week I will have a first name, will share in group confessions, will have a romantic past, and will hear my name. It's the anti-peer review.