Sweetness

I was reading "Craving Grace" when I came upon a terrible idea. The author gave up sweets entirely for about 6 months. She was angry at God and wanted daily reminders that God was her sweetness. I read this, and initially thought she was another crazy fundamentalist trying to be too pious. And she was making things harder than they needed to be. And she was a tad uppity for announcing devotion to super-lent. And maybe she wasn't enjoying the ice cream God had so lovingly made available.

But as the week turned into weekend I had a little of my own bitterness to swallow. Another break-up to add to my monumental pile of failed romances. A boss who made us stay at work until 11:00 last night watching him read slides as he made painfully unimportant changes (think 1.5 hours on changing the directions arrows on a route map).Getting chewed out for asking if we could leave. Wanting the consolation of a friend waiting in vain for me with wine instead of the guys at work laughing at me over the break-up. Having my credit card number stolen.

The bitterness tasted terrible. I found myself craving a little more real sweetness too and wanted to feel it in my heart more than on my tongue. So I said no to sweet yesterday and no today out of true desire. I have no commitments or timetables-- just hanging on for what I crave the most right now.

I also recently read, "One Perfect Word," which offers the project of finding just one word in the bible to focus on for the whole year. The one that came to me was "tender." I think searching for this sweetness is a piece of the puzzle.