the plague

I have a cold and flu thing, but I'm telling people I have the plague. It all began with a mild congestion I was sure could be cured with a day of sleeping in. Then came the aches and the shakes and the sweats. I took a day off of work and ate jello and soup. I drove to work Tuesday in the snow with the air conditioning on, getting by on the faithful combination of Dayquil and coffee. Now I have the hacks. In my new, sultry, barely-above-a-whisper voice, I was asked to sing a few lines of Smelly Cat for a co-worker. I'm told this will be my persona for the next 2 weeks.

I love it when teenage boys works towards nobility. I have a student who wants to quit high school so he can work and support the girl he got pregnant. There's a paternity test because another boy also thinks he got her pregnant and also wants to work and support her. Have you ever heard of something so encouraging and so sad at the same time?

the pioneer woman

I want to eat healthier food until I visit this website. http://www.thepioneerwomancooks.com/
The way she photographs food and writes about her friendship with it is just plain seductive. She's a bad influence. I've only made the jalapeno poppers, but she makes me dream of a ranch, good dinners, and a Marlboro man who doesn't smoke.

themes

I had taken a break from writing because I couldn't seem to find any themes to my days. Break up, try to make friends, go on a round of uninspired dates, get the flu. In all of this I've been trying not to learn any big lessons. Deeper faith? Nope. New self-awareness? Hardly. Learning from mistakes? I'm definitely self-aware enough to know I would make the same ones over again. Taking myself less seriously? Okay, there may be progress on that one.

My lesson today comes from the high schoolers-- don't attempt donuts in a parking lot full of cars. You'll hit one.

calm

I was praying for calm today. This is not the thing to pray before entering a high school where high drama reigns. My licensure situation hit a major glitch, a favorite student got arrested, and we found out another is involved in a huge, long-term pack of lies. I'm thankful for life after work. Roommate provided good company and encouragement. I might even go back to work tomorrow. I never wanted a boring job, so I remember that all of this is good.

self soothing

I'm in a small group that's going through the issues in our lives that keep us from joy. We had to review stages of emotional maturity. It seems as though I'm stuck in infancy, more stunted in being able to trust than any other area of life. My first memory is standing in my crib screaming, terrified that no one was there and would come. They tell me that I got so worked up that night, I threw myself over the edge of the crib.

I realized I haven't advanced beyond that with God. I'm always wondering where he's gone and if he'll come for me. The modern parenting approach teaches that parents should be removed enough to teach their child to self-soothe, while being close enough by to remind a child that all is well. Is God trying to teach me to self-soothe?

In the meantime my attempts to be proactive, take care of myself, and soothe myself with pursuing relationships have failed consistently this week.

Scene of the Crime

I had to call David tonight and humbly ask if I could swich dinner from Old Chicago's to anywhere else. The bad date with Trent was there, and I was filled with dread at the thought of having to return to the scene of the crime. My advice is never go on a first date to a place where men can watch sports events beyond you. This will be the last event in my match dating adventure.

I know that men and women aren't supposed to be friends. Josh and I had breakfast this morning, and though this friendship may have a shelf-life shorter than soup, it's working out for now. Who else would want to discuss the dollar store pregnancy test and how given what people would spend for the best one on the market, we should package one that comes with name suggestions, sympathy/celebration cards, and a fortune cookie? He is good company.

Next best thing

So I didn't have an actual Valentine, but I felt very loved by friends this year. City's mom sent a really kind card, my dad came through reliably with chocolates, the nephew and nieces made a crafty little valentine, and Me Gusto and Roommate got me flowers, card, candy, lip gloss, and a stuffed animal. I feel really blessed by them.

A girlfriend joined me for a movie, and I have to say that chick flick night was a great place to be with all the high school girls. Remember how great it was to be 17 and have that great optimism about your imaginary relationship with a cute and totally inaccessible guy?

Dating Purgatory

I've been taking time off the last couple weeks from thinking, reflecting, and analyzing. While others spend lent doing those things, I feel exhausted by my task of trying to work my way out of dating purgatory.
Josh ushered in the agony of fleeting hope.
Paul signified a new low in having been kicked out of the navy and junior college.
Trent was into Nascar and didn't read aside from Playboy. Enough said.
David will be my 2nd round of going out with someone named David who is Jewish and a professional soccer coach.

Fortunately, a few friends have joined me in prayers to spring me out from purgatory. Bless me for I have dated badly. I've been at times too cynical, too giving, too honest, not honest. Can I say hail Marys for this?

I want to be a pastor's wife

I tried for 2 days to make a hair appointment with Emilee- a true find in that she was affordable and interesting to listen to. She let me make faces when she attacked me with hairspray and told good stories about making costumes for anime conventions. Unfortunately after navigating my way through the kiosk ghetto in the mall to make an in-person appointment, I was met with an empty, barred-up storefront.

Not knowing how to search for Emilee, I crossed the hall and the caste level to the trendy hair place close by. I knew I would pay twice as much and that my hair person would be a vacant clone with a lot of makeup and hair that in no way resembled anything nature would produce. I now have a very precise cut that only took an hour and 20 minutes. I prolonged the process by asking her to cut out a place for me to see through in the layers framing my face. I’m practical and value peripheral vision.

The struggle was the small talk. She’s a shopper. That’s pretty much her only hobby. In honor of her, I wanted to send along a shopping link: http://www.larknews.com/february_2008/secondary.php?page=3
I’m pretty sure your friends have everything they need EXCEPT an, “I want to be a pastor’s wife t-shirt.” Enjoy.

man of action

Me Gusto was over tonight hearing the story of my last few weeks. Fortunately, he will have none of my excuses. He sat down with me to online date shop insisting, "Hey, what's wrong with him?" at most of the profiles. The only problem is that he made me wink at people without reading their profiles. I contacted someone (who lists as a protestant) who lists erotica as an interest and Playboy among favorite reading. I guess this is part of being proactive.

Why Big?

I began the day with fasting and ended it with a few episodes of Sex and the City. The combination had a soothing effect. Those characters are the ones my friends fall back to as archetypes. We've all met Steve and not settled for him because he was too much the friend without ambition. We're looking for Aidan- rugged and kind. A friend just broke up with Berger, and I'm suspicious that I'm involved with Big (does just enough to keep me hanging on). Carrie ended up with Big, and I can't seem to remember why.

Here comes the sun, please

This week I could find no inspiration to write. J-Love's attention was waxing and waning (mostly waning). I went on a date where the guy showed up unapologetically late and kept talking about not wanting to spend money (I paid for myself to his great relief). Metro broke up with someone, and I spent the end of my work week staying late with a kid spouting blood all over my office after getting punched in the nose.

On a high note, J-Love gave me the Juno soundtrack and the line, "We sure are cute for two ugly people," keeps happily skipping through my mind.

Last night my go-dutch date and I heard a guy sing Here Comes the Sun. I'm praying that is the anthem for me, Metro, and Tea this week.