I'm in a small group that's going through the issues in our lives that keep us from joy. We had to review stages of emotional maturity. It seems as though I'm stuck in infancy, more stunted in being able to trust than any other area of life. My first memory is standing in my crib screaming, terrified that no one was there and would come. They tell me that I got so worked up that night, I threw myself over the edge of the crib.
I realized I haven't advanced beyond that with God. I'm always wondering where he's gone and if he'll come for me. The modern parenting approach teaches that parents should be removed enough to teach their child to self-soothe, while being close enough by to remind a child that all is well. Is God trying to teach me to self-soothe?
In the meantime my attempts to be proactive, take care of myself, and soothe myself with pursuing relationships have failed consistently this week.
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3 comments:
**hugs** What a first memory you have! Wish I could pop over and do something calming, something that would nurture your soul with you. It's a challenge to take care of yourself isn't it, when you really have never learned it in the first place? I know God is walking right next to you, even if it's hard to trust it.
Thanks Suzanne! I think this was a good thing to surface. What's your first memory?
I remember taking some therapy class that talked about using first/early memories as a way to understand/unlock some of the themes of our lives. I always think it's fascinating to ask people what their first memories are.
Mine is when I was about 18 months old (says mom) and I was jumping off a diving board during swim lessons. A man was waiting to catch me and I distinctly remember not wanting him too. So, I jumped off to the side.
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